It feels strange, almost surreal for someone like me to be coveting cigarettes- my mother won’t let me out of the house and into the sun even on a cloudy day without wearing the most ridiculous looking hat in the house and layers of sunscreen. She already fears that my skin has become damaged and is cancer-headed from childhood and everyday sun exposure. I can only imagine that if I took up smoking it would be nuclear fallout at my house. I’m not even too sure myself that I do want to smoke- I’m not really myself lately and I’m just lusting after pink and pretty feminine things; including pink and pastel coloured cigarettes unfortunately.
I suppose I’m under the impression that when poised with a pink cigarette between my fingers and perched on my knuckles it will look more like a sugar stick held by a pixie than a fallen angel working the tough guy angle. At the moment I seem to be forgetting the bitter taste it leaves just by smelling second hand smoke as well as the dangers of cigarettes both short-term and long-term. My father had smoked for ten years, long before I had come along or he had even met my mother, much to her surprise. While she had known he had smoked in the past she had never really imagined it was such a long stint. I guess that’s one of the dangers of picking up smoking, I hear on and off about my boyfriend’s family trying to quit smoking over and over again. It just doesn’t really seem all that possible.
I don’t have the same old black and white, good and bad view of the world that I once had as a child. Everything and everyone has their subtle shades of grey and no one’s ever truly perfect, so while I still tease people who smoke mentally with my conscience invariably shouting “Smokers are Jokers”, I don’t think that smokers are bad people anymore, it’s just a choice they’ve made in their life that I personally will never make.
I’m not clamouring to hang out with people smoking and get a good whiff of second hand smoke and I still mostly hold my breath when walking past someone on the street but I guess it’s something I’m getting a little more used to after having spend a few hours at parties around people smoking. That doesn’t mean that I enjoy it, I’m impartial if I have good conversation and the company of friends with me but as a child I was always holding my breath when walking past smokers on the street since I grew up without tobacco smoke in my system and I guess that’s the way I’ve always aimed to keep it. I would never date a guy who smokes, the taste would stick to his clothes and breath and I wouldn’t be able to stand it.
As pretty as all these pink smokes look, I don’t think I would ever take the plunge and take it up myself, it’s a bad habit that ruins your nails, skin and teeth and those are all some of the few features that I actually pride myself on when it comes to my appearance. Also, as my boyfriend has so wisely advised me, smoking as well as alcoholism and I have enough trouble as it is keeping up with the pretty clothes, jewellery and bags I want to buy without another distraction getting in the way of me saving for a holiday and towards moving out of my parents’ house.
I think another reason that I don’t smoke is the area I grew up in and the high school I went to- out of my year level of one hundred and fifty plus students I would say under ten of the students smoked regularly at lunch or skipped classes to go out for a smoke compared to many other schools and stuff. It’s just the area I think and the fact that none of my friends’ parents and siblings don’t smoke a lot either so there’s definitely a lack in that rebellion and smoking culture. I’m not crying out at the injustice of that- heck I’m thankful I didn’t get hooked as some young people do. I already have enough trouble keeping a good hold on my fitness and looking out for myself without a whole mess of other factors to contribute in.
I can be thankful that my hormonal raging mood will probably go away and I won’t be in such a weird, pink and pastel loving mood and overlooking the fact that I generally hate cigarettes (generally). I can only imagine the problems some girls must have in finding pink cigarettes let alone feeding their addiction daily and weekly. It would cost a ridiculous amount of money to keep yourself rolling pink cigarettes but for some I guess it’s just how they get their kicks. I’m thankful I live in an age where I can hold my head up high, get a girly drink from the bottle shop or at a bar and it’s common these days but tragically I think girly cigarettes are lacking in a market and are marginally less popular then say, a Vodka Cruiser.
Another cool thing I get to miss out on from not smoking is cigarette lighters, and while I will probably never master flicking it properly and getting the liquid lighter to ooze out, I have seen some very pink and girly glittery lighters from Tumblr. It seems so contradictory, the childish gems and glued on glitter for something so dark, gritty and adult. That's the twenty-first century for you.
The micro-blogging website TumblrSobraine Cocktail and Vanille. There’s also some strange Mexican brand- but if I know Mexico then that cigarette won’t be 100% tobacco… No matter what your poison I assure you I won’t judge and if you ever have smoked a pink cigarette, I say ‘Good for you! At least you can say you’ve tried it’ but I think I’ll stick to my addiction of fashion and jewellery. That hasn’t yet killed me and I’d like to keep it that way.
Where there's smoke, there's fire and if I don't get a good university offer today on what may just well be one of the most important days of my life that will effect my future- well I may just set myself alight. Or maybe even set myself on the reckless path to becoming a smoker (but I highly doubt that). I'm a pyromaniac in waiting I know and that has nothing to do with my hormones acting up, I've pretty much twiddled down a scented candle and I would say I only have a few more hours, ten at most on it's very shallow body.
Another obsession of mine regarding smoke and fire are smoke flares and their plumes, I love seeing them expand and spread as well as the colours they come in. It must be linked with my obsession for dyed hair but at least this way I get to keep my long dark hair just the way it is. While at the beach my friends and I saw a flare be released from a small boat on the horizon and had the pleasure of calling emergency services to help them. They released an orange flare which supposedly means "we're OK but we might need help", tentatively putting their hand up for assistance kind of thing.
I'm not feeling as subconscious about my body as I once did being an awkward and dorky teenager but seeing this photograph does make me feel a little jealous that I hadn't been blessed with a full figure and a tiny waist. Smoking is normally not my forte but I do like the way one eye is hidden under curdling smoke, like gaseous evil and the other eye is barely open. You've got to love the way she subtly pushes her breasts together making them seem even fuller- though I bet for her it's not entirely necessary. 
Smoke isn't all bad for you, although some health expert-like people will argue it can cause this cancer and that part of your body to weaken but at least you can enjoy the simple things in life like fireworks and not have to worry about inhalation of smoke. Chinese New Year is just a week away and I do hope I'll be getting some money from my mother to tide me over until I can work for a basketball referee tournament. That's my next big hit, and I really want to be able to save more than $500 in my bank account and splash out on something extravagant.
Even if smoke is bad for you, it sure can look picturesque after a long drag and when captured using a traditional film camera. None of the smokers I know would have this effect- their mainly the rougher boys from work.
We had meant to use our sparklers while away on schoolies but that never happened, instead we drank casually and play poker using chocolate coins. Mother hopes that I'll put the fancy shaped sparklers we still have at home to good use on Chinese New Year and maybe it would be fun to try it out for photography's sake and whirl around the garden with them. I used to love lighting up sparklers and feeling the flashing light come dangerously close to my hand right before it all fizzled out- but since I can use them without supervision they seem to have lost their appeal.
I'd love to try and figure out how to do this, from what I can understand it's manipulation of the chemicals used when processing film but I'm not sure whether it comes from 'keying' the picture and scratching the surface or lighting a match underneath the photograph to cause red and orange spots to leak out. For this photograph, the effect is perfectly placed and lightens up the otherwise muted tones and colours of the image.
